The List with quotes and commentary

Carrying these qualities within you and striving towards them at all times is what shapes a good person and leads to a life well lived.

1. Empathy/Compassion/Love

"I don't know how to explain to you why you should care about other people." - Lauren Morril

If you don’t care about other beings, I suggest, with love and compassion, seeking a very good therapist or guide or removing yourself from society entirely until that changes.

Humans are social animals and it is that very interdependence that has allowed us to survive and thrive as a species. For that to work, we have to care about each other. When we don’t? Bad things happen. It’s that simple.

“Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.” - Prentis Hemphill

It is crucial to remember that this love, compassion and empathy must also extend to the self. You can care about someone and also not want them in your personal space or in your life. You can care about someone and not sacrifice yourself for their personal benefit, but you should, and even must, sacrifice in a balanced, non-harmful way for the general benefit of all.

Be careful; what seems kind in the moment might not be kind long term, but kindness should never involve harming people or other caring beings if there is any way at all to avoid it. Defining what is harmful can be very hard, but if someone feels they are being harmed, we should presume something is wrong and work from there to understand. Keep love, empathy and compassion as your guiding light in all things and learn from your mistakes.

Do the least harm. Do the most good. When you err, make reparations.

“The only alternative to coexistence is codestruction.” - Jawaharlal Nehru

“(We) must evolve a method for all human conflict which rejects revenge, aggression and retaliation. The foundation of such a method is love."

- Martin Luther King, Jr.

2. Ethics/Integrity/Honesty

First, you must be honest with yourself.

“Self-acceptance comes from meeting life's challenges vigorously. Don't numb yourself to your trials and difficulties, nor build mental walls to exclude pain from your life. You will find peace not by trying to escape your problems, but by confronting them courageously. You will find peace not in denial, but in victory.” - J. Donald Walters

Then you must be judiciously, compassionately, kindly honest with everyone else. Authenticity is essential.

“We know what a person thinks not when he tells us what he thinks, but by his actions.” - Isaac Bashevis Singer

Be true to your ethics and maintain your integrity, including taking responsibility for your errors. Do not be afraid to change your views when presented with new information!

“Have confidence in your decisions. Make them expeditiously [and wisely], and stay with them as long as you believe you are correct no matter what others say. However, when you conclude you were in error, do not hesitate to announce the error publicly and change course.” - Edward Koch

3. Curiosity/Inquisitiveness/Creativity

“The important thing is not to stop questioning.” - Albert Einstein

“There is only one thing for it then—to learn… That is the only thing which the mind can never exhaust, never alienate, never be tortured by, never fear or distrust, and never dream of regretting. Learning is the only thing for you. Look what a lot of things there are to learn." - T.H. White

“Creativity is a wild mind and a disciplined eye.” – Dorothy Parker

From these qualities come growth, progress, wisdom and joy.

4. A Wide, Deep and Inclusive Sense of Perspective

"Grow until your mind is the size of the world. Do not try to compress the

world to make it fit inside your mind." - Charles Ardai

“Variety is the spice of life.” - William Cowper

There are as many ways to be as there are beings. Focus on learning to share existence together. Think not just of today, but all the tomorrows and all the yesterdays. Think not just of this place, but all the places in all the universe(s). Never stop reaching for greater understanding.

“I love thee to the depth and breadth and height

My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight

For the ends of being and ideal grace.” - Elizabeth Barrett Browning

5. Patience/Flexibility/Adaptability

“I am more and more convinced that our happiness or unhappiness depends more on the way we meet the events of life than on the nature of those events themselves.” - Alexander Humboldt

“It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.” - Charles Darwin

“Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson

6. Sense of Humor

“Comedy is defiance. It’s a snort of contempt in the face of fear and anxiety. And it’s the laughter that allows hope to creep back on the inhale.” - Will Durst

“Attitude is the difference between a bump in the road and a real trip.” - Unknown

“People with a sense of humor tend to be less egocentric and more realistic in their view of the world and more humble in moments of success and less defeated in times of travail.” - Bob Newhart

7. Passion/Perseverance/Determination

"None of us can truly know what we mean to other people, and none of us can know what our future self will experience. History and philosophy ask us to remember these mysteries, to look around at friends, family, humanity, at the surprises life brings — the endless possibilities that living offers — and to persevere. There is love and insight to live for, bright moments to cherish, and even the possibility of happiness, and the chance of helping someone else through his or her own troubles. Know that people, through history and today, understand how much courage it takes to stay. Bear witness to the night side of being human and the bravery it entails, and wait for the sun. If we meditate on the record of human wisdom we may find there reason enough to persist and find our way back to happiness. The first step is to consider the arguments and evidence and choose to stay. After that, anything may happen. First, choose to stay."

- Jennifer Michael Hecht

“What saves a man is to take a step. Then another step. It is always the same step, but you have to take it.” - Antoine de Saint-Exupery

“The best way out is always through." - Robert Frost

Without these qualities, nothing would ever get done, nor would we be here at all. Finding our way through the challenges of life is rarely easy, and a good companion can make a positive difference.

8. Sufficiency/Contentment/Serenity

“For all that has been, thanks. For all that will be, yes.” - Dag Hammarskjold

“Deep peace of the running wave to you.
Deep peace of the flowing air to you.
Deep peace of the quiet earth to you.
Deep peace of the shining stars to you.
Deep peace of the infinite peace to you.” - adapted from William Sharp

"Sufficiency isn't an amount at all. It is an experience, a context we generate, a declaration, a knowing that there is enough, and that we are enough." - Brené Brown

9. Efficiency/Moderation/Balance

“Have regular hours for work and play; make each day both useful and pleasant and prove that you understand the worth of time by employing it well.” - Louisa May Alcott

“Remember that there is nothing stable in human affairs; therefore avoid undue elation in prosperity, or undue depression in adversity.” - Socrates

“I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it difficult to plan the day.” - E. B. White

“If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.” - Max Ehrmann

“The virtue of justice consists in moderation, as regulated by wisdom.” - Aristotle

Existence is an eternal, messy, beautiful struggle to find stability. One of the greatest gifts of interdependence is helping each other achieve balance.

10. Accountability/Reliability/Responsibility

“Just because you're an adult doesn't mean you're grown up. Growing up means being patient, holding your temper, cutting out the self-pity, and quitting with the righteous indignation.' - Humans of New York

Be accountable for yourself and your actions, while acknowledging that who you are is shaped by incalculable influences. Keep that in mind for everyone else, too. Do not be self-righteous. Believe that others are trying.

Show up. Be there for those depending on you. Be there when you say you will and let them know when you can’t. Do the work that needs to be done. Say kindly what needs to be said. Honor your commitments as long as it does not do harm. Keep your promises. Be honest about your capabilities and your willingness to act.

11. Respect for and Balanced Consideration of Self and Others

“When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everyone will respect you.” - Lao Tzu

Respect, sometimes called courtesy, is how we get along together, keeping our incompatible edges from sparking anger or hatred, finding ways to peaceably exist.

Competition is only healthy when it occurs in service to a larger collaboration for the betterment of all, under the banner of mutual respect and consideration.

12. Self-confidence with a Sense of Humility

“Humility is often misunderstood. It’s not a matter of having low self-confidence. One of the Latin roots of humility means “from the earth.” It’s about being grounded—recognizing that we’re flawed and fallible.” - Adam M. Grant

“Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.” - Max Ehrmann

Bonus quote: “This is what you should do: Love the earth and sun and the animals, despise riches…hate tyrants…have patience and indulgence toward the people...re-examine all you have been told at school or church or in any book, dismiss whatever insults your own soul, and your very flesh shall be a great poem.” - Walt Whitman